I've got to find something more interesting to blahg about. I shamelessly admitted this was going to be all about me in my mission statement, but I had no idea anyone but me was going to be reading this. I am surprised to click on the stats and see the number go up. So, you're reading this. Wow. I don't know what to say. I am chronically boring (in that I chronicle my boring life). I am afraid I don't have anything else to talk about. I don't really do anything. I am not allowed. I am a mother. I read books that help me become a better person. I spend all my time with children. I supress any urge that would be the slightest bit intriguing. I don't like controversy. I don't like violence. I am not allowed to have any of the kind of sex anyone but the person I am having that kind of sex would care to hear about. I do things because I should. YAWN! The only thing I can claim as risky behaviour is putting my makeup on while driving. The only thing I can confess to that I really don't want you to know about me is that when I am in a hurry in the public bathroom but don't want the person in the stall to think I am gross, I will turn the water on and off without getting my hands wet. I have done that in a cramped dentist waiting room where I know they can hear everything that goes on in there. I have a tough time deciding whether I should pull a paper towl and waste a perfectly good one for my charade or just wipe my dry hands on my pants as I come out the door. This is a pathetic way to spend my time (and yours reading about it). You wanna know the worst part about all this boring stuff? I feel guilty all the time. Explain that one. I guess I feel like if I were just a little more or less of something then something better or less bad would be happening to those I love. They don't ask me to feel this way. I just do. I am very sensitive. It's a problem for a lot of people. I tend to say what I feel and that makes people uncomfortable at times. For instance I might just walk down the street saying, "cold", "hungry", "tired", "horny". No, actually I don't do that. That would be something to write about. Remember, I don't have anything to write about. No, I just try to be honest about my feelings when someone takes the time to ask me how I am (and then feel guilty when how I am does not make them feel better or less worse). That does not happen that often though. People don't really ask how I am. They just ask how I'm doing. And when they do that I say "fine" because I don't want to tell them the part about not washing my hands or my death defying act of putting on my make-up at high rates of speed. Truth is, I am doing just "fine". I think I am tired of doing fine. I want to do amazing. I just don't want to have to do too much to get there. So, I guess I am fine with fine for now. This was a waste of time, but it's all I can do tonight and I did it tonight because I did not like the fact that my log blahg was the first thing anyone would see if they hit this site. Fine.
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