"Just take a candy and become ready for 36 hours of love". That was what it said in my inbox today. Today when I don't feel good. Today when I don't feel loved. Today when I want to lose all my weight until I am just a vapor because having a body is a pain in the butt.
I am usually not tempted by these solicitations. I am repeatedly offered a long and satisfying erection. I have been offered the opportunity to get laid by a beautiful chick NOW! I have been offered things that I can't repeat (I love to use the word but have decided I won't use it) from people who have names like Rupert Condiment and because I know a Rupert (not last name Condiment) I click it and am immediately glad that my Rupert is not from the Condiment family because apparently they like to do it hard right now and invite others to do the same. None of these have even given me the slightest twinge of desire to do anything but change my email address.
This one was different. Just take a candy and be ready for 36 hours of love. I have a strong desire to do just that. In fact, I would like to take all the kids' Halloween candy and become ready for endless hours of love. I think maybe I'm on to something. There is far more than an appetite for sweets I am fighting to suppress as I struggle to get in shape by Christmas. I just need to figure out why I believe this spam is telling the truth and offering me the way to get 36 hours of love. At least I believe it for that split second before I take that candy while I am trying to decide if I should take that candy right before I decide I DESERVE that candy. Hmm..maybe it's that time right now. I want a hard candy right NOW and I want it to last all night long. Then I'll feel loved and my body won't ache anymore. Candy is just dandy after all and most certainly the real cure for what ails me.
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