Kick the Bucket List to the Curb

It's me again.  Only, in many ways, it is not the same me who used this format for blogtherapy.  I have been squeezed through that *proverbial toothpaste tube of adversity and come out a more solid me. In the pursuit of housing, marital harmony, launching a young man, keeping 2 adolescents from killing one another, a toddler from accidentally killing himself, all while holding down a job, home schooling and enduring chronic pain; I just did not have or make the time to give a shout out to "whomever it may concern" about endless, depressing circumstances.  (I had Facebook for that!) When the going gets tough, the tough quit blogging.

But I am back.  I am a proud and happy homeowner. I have a proud and happy husband who I am going to keep. I have a launched and thriving young man who gives me false confidence in my ability to survive 2 teens and a 5 year old. (Although I secretly know that I don't claim the prize for my son's triumphs and it takes a village to raise us all, for our entire lives).  I found a method of controlling my pain that does not involve numbing or otherwise altering my brain (feel free to ask me about it if you are interested, but I won't inflict that upon you unsolicited).  My writing job is quiet for a few weeks and I have an empty house.  I am full of gratitude, peace, joy, and love.  I am a living Christmas carol.

From this space I want to promise you all kinds of things. Among them, I would like to write a weekly home school blog and today have every intention of doing that this year. But part of the secret of my new found success is that I set lower bars for myself. That nonsense about "reach for the stars", "believe to achieve", "dream your biggest dream" and any other short needle pointer's paradise; is just too much pressure for someone with my drive and imagination. I could never reach what my mind is capable of conceiving (good thing) and I hate to fall short of my expectations. I am a lot happier and more productive with a more general approach to life (all perfectly suited for needlepoint - the hallmark of a good life strategy).

• Live in the present.
• Love your neighbor as yourself.
• Love yourself as your neighbor.
• God is love. 
• Listen to your body. 
• Trust the people you love with their own lives. 
• Facebook.
• Kick the bucket list to the curb.

Let me explain that last item.  I have recently recognized a sense of anxiety over the idea of checking off items on a bucket list before I die.  I can barely handle my "to do" list and all it requires is that I "buy eggs" and "mail back the Netflix video".  I have decided that it makes more sense to designate someone to write my bucket list for me after I die and then I will be certain all the items can be checked off (by someone else, of course). My friends on Facebook pointed out to me that posthumous bucket lists are called biographies, or obituaries. But I contend that the former is for undisputed "somebodies" - too much pressure and out of my control.  Obituaries are too short and general, and I am very much at risk for getting the gross kind I hate: "Mrs. John R. Enders was a homemaker and mother and served her family and community well". Bleck! I would rather you say "Jillibee Enders favored the blue 'Cross' brand of tweezers, which she was never seen without until she discovered the miracle of laser".  It does not form a flattering picture, but damn it, it proves the people writing it KNEW the person, for goodness sakes!

I have no idea what any of this has to do with you, in fact, I have no idea who you are or even IF you are. And that is precisely my point.  No matter what it is we think we are doing - all we are really doing is living and (in my case) shouting out the truth as we know it. It is like we are a bunch of tourists on different simultaneous vacations shouting our observations to one another. Or at times, we are having nightmares while fully awake, but are fortunate enough to bring a friend.  Whether life is a glorious vacation or a living hell; I find it comforting to read what other folks are living and as a writer, I get great satisfaction from sharing my observations - even if I am a tree typing in the woods with no one around to hear it.*

*I have no idea if a toothpaste tube is in a proverb anywhere. But my experience being squeezed by life persistently for such a long period of time, makes me feel a kindred spirit with all who have passed through the Gates of Col and Aim to catch a Gleem, of Aqua Fresh insight, while we Aim toward whatever may have Crested UltraBrite in the deep cleansing of our soul.

*I am thinking that a tree typing in the woods would have a horrible inner conflict or at least a measure of commitment beyond most writers.  I am concerned though, that a tree typing in the forest would not be a very good writer, because you have to throw away a lot of paper to get a good draft. This would not be a very popular profession among trees, even if you were a Poplar. I guess a tree typing on a PC in the forest would be Ok.  It would have to be an Apple tree though.

Comments

[Susan Brehm]

Love it! Great idea about the bucket list, hahaha! Looking forward to reading more. :)