I am not agitated any more. I am back to the old mom I have always been: able to handle multiple conversations with a single ear, able to leap to action and get kids dropped off on time, able to single handedly applaud the accomplishments of 4 children no matter how great or small. (Can you applaud with a single hand? I can). It feels like comfortable shoes. I have comfort, support and mobility but not much to look at.
I have been broadcasting my demo jillibee.net, and published a chapter of a collaborative Facebook novel (or a novel Facebook collaboration). I have network follow upped with a couple of people from the EXPO (putting off most of that cause that part feels awkward) and I've gotten some people lined up to put on a children's musical I wrote. This should be happening this summer. But if I want to really make some money I am going to have to do much much more than this. I don't know just what, though. I need to make some money doing what I love, so that I can have this home I love, to do more of what I am doing more comfortably.
We have thrown ourselves full boar into getting... this house. You thought I was going to say "swine flu" didn't you? Full boar into getting swine flu seems more poetic, and more likely than getting this house; but it is NOT over until the fat lady sings. AND I am hoping it is not over IF the fat lady sings. (Incidentally I don't want to get anything with the word "swine" in it. The only thing worse would be getting the "big ass pneumonia". Or the "fat old lady syndrome"). It is fun to want things. It is scary to want such BIG things and not knowing how it will come about. It is faith time. So much of this is out of my control.
So I am trying to put one foot in front of the other (and keep both feet out of my mouth). I am telling people what I want and working to have things that people will want from me. I am trying to stay grounded with the kids without feeling like I have been grounded and sent to room without any fun.
I have no point to this blog but I am hoping we can all point to this blog in a few years and say "remember back then, before all this great stuff happened and I was just starting to put myself out there?" It is fun to hope and act in ways that are consistent with the life I want to live while I wait for the life I want to be living to be the life I have. (Get it?) :) I hope I do!