I hope I have not let anyone still reading me looking for a pick up down. I have been down in an up sort of way for a while. It has been a hard couple of years, or rather I have taken the past couple of years hard. Lately things hit a new hard making me realize that I did not even know what hard was back when I was having a hard time dealing with things that were not as hard. Today though, I am realizing that things seem to be getting better or I seem to be getting better at the things that haven't been great lately.
The recent things that were awful aren't done being awful but I don't feel as awful as I did when they first presented their awful face. My back still sucks but it sucks less than the worst it can suck when it is actively sucking so that sucks less. The idea of moving has been bumped to much lower on the bad ideas list. People whom I love have had people in their family die but since no one in my family has died, time is not standing still for us in the way it is for those people I love; so I only have sympathy pains.
So I guess I should be grateful. I used to have a professor who would ruffle my hair (ruffled has always been my style so it was not a bad thing) and tell me "Time wounds all heels". He told me that because I got my big dose of life changing plans at a younger age than most. It helped me not feel like a unique victim. Gravity affects us all sooner or later.
So how do I make this inevitable pull toward the sucking force of gravity in life fun? (My personal mission in life is getting harder to fulfill as reflected in these blogs I am afraid). I am still trying to figure this all out. My husband said that one of the things that attracted him to me was that I would have a picnic in a rain storm. I like that about me. I like that he liked that about me too. I just always knew no matter what bad thing was happening would pass and that it was only a matter of time till it morphed into the SUPER! AWESOME! GREAT! thing waiting around the corner. I hope that part of me has not passed or morphed into some sensible, cynical, bitter, Eeyore.
What suddenly occurred to me is "This too shall pass" though comforting to people in dire straights (love that band, have all their albums); is just as true (and not as comforting) applied to people having the time of their life (hit single by the Dire Straights). Life is just a series of sucking and not sucking and we like little roller coaster cars are expected to ride up and down with our hands in the air if we want extra points for bravery. I love roller coasters, the bigger the better. I just did not know that in the roller coaster of the life, sometimes I would be forced to walk the hills barefoot uphill both ways or go on endless loops that were neither up nor down and appear to be leading me no where.
This too shall pass. I am just concerned that while I am waiting for it to pass I may find myself unable to pass something too big for me to process or pass out from the strain of it all (sorry I try to keep the scatological metaphors to a minimum). So as things are passing by or out of me I am trying to figure out how to retain or let go of that which makes life difficult to bear.
In that quest, we saw the fireworks from a chartered boat on the Bay. Got soaking wet and had a blast. Could not walk the next day cause chartered boats are not kind to herniated disks. Still worth it.
In that quest, yesterday I got out of my van on a hot hot day and walked too far for my back that day in the wrong shoes to the creek where my enthusiastic kids were covered in mud and frogs. As a kid I raised toads and frogs from tadpoles and even kept a toad in a terrarium as a center piece on my mother's table for years. I wondered if this might be a slice of forgotten youth I wanted to recover. Putting my grown up guilty conscience aside, I brought a couple little fellows home and made them a terrarium.
Today, I cut our rabbits' long nails, nagged the kids to attend to the cats and rodents (caged), cleaned the kitchen, tried to catch flies for the toads and wondered what in the hell I was thinking. I'll probably release those guys back into their rightful home before these two shall pass. Gravity is grave business and I don't want to be responsible for putting anyone into an early grave, including myself. So I will keep trying to figure out how to transcend the muck or prolong the fun (boy oh boy, am I tempted to rhyme with "muck" and I was already part way there too...). And as always you know I will share with you all my secrets. That's one way I've already discovered to transcend...Transcendmental Medication - I blog therefore I am. I feel better already...but alas this too shall pass.