As you can imagine the
home school community of which I am a part, are working out the
implications of this new home school ruling. There have been a lot of
great responses and I am confident that the right to home school will
prevail or the resourcefulness of mothers (and fathers) will find a way
around it. For me, I am not really at risk because I am affiliated
with the public school (with more credentialed teachers than you can
shake a stick at..though don't be surprised if that stick shaking lands
you in detention). But that did not stop me from over reacting publicly to the news.
Just for fun I thought I
would re-print a response I wrote to this threat for your amusement.
(sorry in advance to my beloved high school History teacher...if
everyone were you I would not be me, I suspect!):
THE LAND OF THE TRUANTS
I am always the last
to know anything. Thankfully I have lots of people in other states who call me to tell me that I am on fire, in a major earthquake or in this case in danger of being rounded up because my kids are truant. Truant. Wow, that's a word I only associate with Pinocchio. Maybe that explains the
donkey ears. (actually I resisted the temptation to say my kids were acting like jackasses. Cause they aren't. That's my husband's role).
So I got the article to find out how long I have before I am on a diet of bread and water in the big house. (Wow I could lose weight AND live in a big house!) I still have hives thinking of having to pass a math test (I am fairly certain it would require more than a fifth grade comprehension. No I am NOT smarter than a fifth grader).
There was also that thing about making compliant upstanding patriotic citizens out of our kids. brrrr...I still have the little hairs standing up on my arms and the tune of "Deutsche Uber alles" playing in my head.
These new requirements to become worthy to do what I have been doing for 11 years are daunting. How could I deprive my children like this! I need credentials - and FAST! I can't look them in the eye now that I know my crime. Lucky for me I won't have to. I will be too busy at school learning the constitution and how to teach my kids computer skills (since my home schooled son got his first job in computers for $25 an hour with a non-profit when he was 15 and landed an IT job at 18 with the SCHOOL DISTRICT for $34k..does that make them accessories since they hired a TRUANT? I think he will be sad that he is out of a job at our bootleg educational den of iniquity). I hope my kids will understand that they have to learn everything on their own (phew! Thank God they have learned through home schooling how to do that!), cause I won't be able to teach them anything cause I have to student teach somewhere and pick up some bad habits from under supported under paid teachers trying to jump through governmental hoops and fickle policies that affect their time and energy and sap their creativity.
Uh oh! I never got credentialed in culinary arts either. I better stop making them meals immediately. There is a lot I am not qualified to do. I am a sham! A con artist!! I deserve to be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
Public service could be fun. The kids and I would look good in orange. Maybe I can teach them how to hide from the police this month. We can watch old episodes of "The Fugitive". That's a relief cause I was getting tired of The Story of the World curriculum.
I need to tighten up our lax Christian habits too. (sounds like what a nun who loses weight must do). I am afraid they don't know any verses longer than "Jesus Wept" (and they think "wept" is the past tense for "wipe". As in; "Jesus wept up the counter when he spilled the wine"). I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I am one of the righteous elite just because I was too afraid of the school in our old neighborhood to send my son 11 years ago. Wow, had I known it was that easy to be a model Christian I would have let myself off the hook in so many other areas of personal moral decay. Jesus loves me this I know for the "Chronicle" tells me so.
And all this time I thought I was a hippy/rebel with a cause/free spirit. Well, that just goes to show you. (I don't know what it goes to show you but I am sure there is something to show for all this drama).
I hope that we can all find a place to laugh at this and then use that energy to fight it in whatever way we can if we should. I am so glad there are lawyers and people home schooling who have the gift for this kind of situation. All I have to offer is a pie in the face. If it were up to me to get us out of this mess we would all land in solitary confinement. (Oh how lovely that sounds right about now with a hyper 3 year old and chatty busy 10 and 12 year olds. Probably the reason I feel so desperate for a break is because my kids are TRUANTS!!! TRUANTS!!! That just sounds so bad. I am sure they are off smoking cigars and gambling with Pinocchio even as I type this).
Sigh. What a travesty that the stay at home parents taking on the job of educating their children instead of sipping lattes and sleeping through soap operas (maybe that is only my fantasy of what I would be doing); have become the biggest threat to CA.
Warm and sunny wishes to all you other criminals! I love our gang! I can't wait to start writing gangsta raps for us. What color should we pick? I could pick up some swatches at Home Depot (although I suspect that is one of the first places the coppers will look for our type. Better stay clear of Bed Bath and Beyond too!) Enjoy your weekend with your children (unless we aren't allowed to do that anymore either)!
Your partner in crime,
Jill Enders
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